Monday, 4 May 2015

"Relationship with the Self"

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of your life.How we value ourselves largely determines how we value life in general. We tend to depend on external situations, events and others to define us, or to give us value. Like, a girl's criterion for valuing herself was based on how much she was needed by her partner. If a new situation or an event makes one believe  that one has no significance or is not needed anymore, it can trigger personal insecurities and emotional stress. Learning to value ourselves irrespective of the situation is a very important skill to stay happy.

We often have a one-line script running in our head, based on the conclusions we have drawn from our experiences. These scripts are grossly generalized and often they have a prophetic undertone--- 'nobody loves me and nobody will love me again', 'everybody who i am close to will leave me and go away', 'people use me and always discard me when they are done', 'whenever I try hard to achieve something, it always slips away'.
These scripts, if not changed, become self-fulfilling prophecies. Unconsciously, we end up following these one-liners even when we are trying to prove them wrong. So, the person becomes possessive and clingy, eventually leading to the script being reinforced.
If we have a positive image of ourselves which says we are, we can be happy and joyful on your own. We become less dependent on situations or others to validate us. Need for external validation comes from our inability to validate ourselves. A healthy relationship with the self is a key factor in staying happy. You're probably well-aware of the fact that creating a good relationship with yourself doesn't always come easily. But don't give up. When it's difficult, remind yourself of how important it is, of how important you are. The more you can improve your relationship with yourself, the more you can improve your relationship with others. 

The relationships in our lives are intricately woven together, each of them tied to one very important element: you. So don't neglect that vital relationship with yourself. After all, it's the one relationship you've had and will continue to have for the rest of your life.

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